Moms Need Their Own Projects!

 

Much of our happiness in life comes from our accomplishments.  We can point to things and say, “I did that really hard thing and I did it really well!”  Yah, parenting kids doesn’t really work that way.  Their behavior is always up and down.  It's so ongoing and discouraging that we tend to forget that children are the project we chose to work on.  

So, two things:  first, raising kids is a valuable project to the children themselves and the world at large so never think, “I can’t think of anything I accomplished this year/month/day.”  You have a project.  Whether you can see it or not, you are making progress. Second, you did choose the project.  Someone introduced this concept to me early in my motherhood and it’s surprising how much that reframing makes a difference in my attitude.  I didn’t have these children thrust upon me and their presence isn’t stopping me from doing the things I really want to do.  Raising children is, in fact, what I always wanted to do!  It’s happy.

The other thing to keeping your sanity is doing things to take care of yourself.  Which is the fun part!  We need to take time to take care of ourselves because kids are much happier when we, ourselves, are happy!  

So, back to that project thing.  While it is good to remember that your kids are your project, I still maintain that it is hard to see the fruits of my labor, so I’ve found that having some smaller projects around that I can actually FINISH give me those bursts of dopamine that I need.  

What you choose will depend on you.  Sometimes I choose a house or yard project, sometimes I go to the fabric store and pick out something to sew.  (Those projects also have the extra dopamine that come from creating.)  Other projects I’ve done though have been athletic--like training for a 5K or a triathlon.  It just helps to be doing something for ME.  I think that really helps.  It also gives me time alone. All those projects require that I spend at least an hour a day alone working on my “me” thing.

Parenting is a giant, messy, very-very-long-term project. Be sure to choose some smaller projects as you pursue that giant one. Your need for a sense of accomplishment will thank you!