What we do with Eight Kids to Keep the House (mostly) Clean

We all feel a bit more sunshiney when the house is clean, but when we have kids, this can be a daily struggle!  In this post, I’ll tell you how I do it with a family of ten in a little house.

 I’ve tried lots of different “programs” over my years of parenting:  Gunny Bag, the Bedroom Fairy, marbles in jars, points for privileges, chores on index cards with “to-do” and “done” pockets, even having the kids work for pay! They were all good and they all worked for a while.  I found that I couldn’t continue the programs because I got wiped out!  I think I’ve learned something from all of them, though, as I discovered what works for me

I should start with my principles on this subject.

     1)      I should not do the picking up.  Exceptions to this exist, of course, but on the whole, I do my children a disservice by not teaching them how to return things to a state of order.  My first job as a parent is to teach my children how to be competent adults!  This will not happen if I am always the straightener.

     2)      Kids need to make messes to really get involved in their play.  I believe in play!  I believe in imagination and creativity!  I provide my kids with a home and toys and props so they can spread out and have fun and do what’s best for them—not so the home is tour-ready.  I don’t want to squelch any of this creativity even if it means the couch cushions are being used for forts and all the blankets are spread on the floor for gardens and the dolls and stuffed animals are scattered haphazardly everywhere.  “There was a ‘splosion, Mom.”  It’s good for them.  I won’t make them clean-up until the day is done.

     3)      Ownership motivates kids and boosts their self-esteem.  “Clean up the things that you played with,” or “Everyone just clean up your own mess,” or even, “Hey everybody, clean up this house!” has never worked for me nor for our kids.  If “everyone” has been asked to clean the room, there’s always kids bickering about who’s doing the most work and everyone usually quits before its all the way done.  If you give them their own space to be responsible for, however, they can see the extent of the work for which they are accountable and take a sense of accomplishment in how it looks in the end.

So.  I let the kids play.  I do not interrupt.  I do not follow them around straightening as I go.  I find my own thing to do and leave all the cleaning for later.  (This appeals strongly to my time-management side, too!) 

The best time for “later” for me has turned out to be right after dinner.  The family is gathered.  They stopped all their activities in order to eat and they haven’t started new activities, yet. 

It’s time for After-Dinner Jobs!

The purpose of After-Dinner Jobs is to put the house back in order.  Each child is assigned a room to clean (as in the public rooms, not the bedrooms).  “But I didn’t make that mess!”  Doesn’t matter.  You clean it for everybody this week and someone else will clean it for you next week.  We all help our family. 

I now have more children than I have rooms to clean.  (Ha, ha!  You’re jealous now, right?)  So the job chart looks like this:  Family Room, Front Room, Clear Table, Sweep and Trash, Hall and Bathroom, Vacuum Front Room, and Clear Kitchen Bar.  It doesn’t take anyone longer than ten minutes.

(Dishes are a different job entirely with everyone being assigned a day.  On that day they do dishes in addition to their after-dinner job.)

We have had different assignments over the years and different ways of divvying up the chores.  The important elements 1) it’s right after dinner and 2) everyone has a specific area of responsibility has stayed the same.

We do Big Jobs on Saturday morning.  (For a little while, I woke everyone up early one day a week for Big Jobs.  This worked nicely, too, until I decided I would rather sleep in! J)  Big Jobs is where the actual cleaning gets done and the kids learn how to clean a bathroom, mop the kitchen floor, and vacuum. 

I also have enough kids so if they were lucky enough to not be assigned one of the aforementioned jobs, they get jobs that don’t need to be done every week but are necessary every now and then:  organize the game cupboard, rake leaves, put away coats from the coat room, clean the refrigerator, pick up walnuts, whatever random thing that Mom wants done or Dad needs help with!

We keep a list of who did what each week (I keep it taped on the inside of one of my kitchen cupboards) so I don’t have just one child learning to mop the floor.

When I am on top of my game, I make these assignments Friday night or early Saturday morning and then ask the kids to get the job done before they play with friends or eat lunch, whichever comes first.  I have been known to be really laid back about it, too, and ask that they just get it done before they go to bed.

I talk to my kids with respect for their activities and busy lives.  If they forget and don’t do their job, they feel bad!  They want to do their part to help our family and they see the work their siblings do and how it helps them and they appreciate it.  They don’t want anyone to have to do extra because they didn’t do their part.

I’m not making this up. 

Afterall, a child’s strong sense of fairness goes both ways.  There’s also something to be said for teaching a child not only the right things to do but also the right reasons for doing it!  It has worked for me.

What has worked for you?  I’d love to hear your success stories in the comments!

What to tell yourself when you wonder what you've gotten yourself into!

I recently attended my son’s kindergarten program full of short, memorized lines and Christmas songs. I enjoyed it immensely for no other reason than that I got to watch my son’s sweet, intent face. As the room cleared out, the children returning to class and the parents to the parking lot, a mother rushed into the room. I noticed her first when her husband said, “Oh, sweetie.” She had covered her face but her husband knew she had started to cry. “I recorded the whole thing!” he promised her. “You’ll be able to see all of it!”

I had to leave the room before I started to cry, too.

I know the feeling all too well! As the mother of eight, I’ve seen more than my share of kindergarten programs, but that tug on your heart to be there for your child, to be there for everything . . . well, that never fades. Not ever. My oldest had that very week flown in an airplane for the first time—to another country—in a snow storm. And no one she knew was with her. I barely made it through the day! That tug on my heart, that physical demand that I be there for her, has not gone away even though she went and got herself all grown up. Nothing hurts more than this parenting gig, I tell you, but then, nothing has given me more either!

I find myself at a transition in my parenting. My oldest has left home and my youngest has started kindergarten and for the first time in twenty years, I don’t have a child at home with me for every hour of the day. I’ve given a lot of my life to parenting. But as I find myself with time—whole reliable blocks of it!—I’ve returned to blow the dust off some old pursuits. Some have been great fun to return to and some I find I just don’t care that much about anymore. I realize, standing at this point of my hike of life and looking back, that I’ve given up a lot to be a parent. Did I waste my time? Would my time have been better spent elsewhere? What do I have to show for it? What would I tell others when they wonder what they’ve gotten themselves into?

These three things I’ve gotten from parenting make up for all the years and the frustrations and the messes, the uncertainties, the pain, and the chaos:

1) People who love me. And boy howdee, do these people love me. There’s nothing in the world like a child’s love for his or her parents! It’s completely unconsidered. It’s just there. When they were babies, they would calm in my arms and no one else’s. As toddlers, they clung to my side in crowded rooms and followed me through the empty rooms of our own home. As children, their worried faces lit up when they finally caught my eye at their school performances. As teens, they cry on my shoulder with their disappointments and dance with me in the kitchen over their triumphs. They tell me they love me. Every. Day. When my second was in preschool and was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, she responded, “I want to be a mom—with glasses.” Because I wore glasses. These people love me!

2) People I love. Does this seem like the same thing? Because it’s different. I think one of the hardest things in my life is when I feel like my feelings are deadened. Children save me from that. I always care. I care if the school is changing policy because it will affect them. I care if the country is in debt because it will affect them. I care if I’m a good example because it will affect them. Because I love them, I get up and take care of the house and the food and the clothes and it all gives me a little rush because I took care of them. I love them and it fills my heart and gives me reasons for living.

3) I’m a better person. Do I wish I had pursued a public accounting career? Do I wish I had spent more time writing? How about those skills that used to claim legions of my time in their development? I am definitely not the accountant I could’ve been if I had spent more time there than on my parenting. I could right now be a master in financial planning. So, I have not progressed there. Have I not progressed at all? On the contrary, my patience has increased, my understanding, my compassion have all increased by leaps and bounds. To me, these things were more rewarding to see take root in myself than any other progress academically, in terms of a career, or really anything else I can think of. Being a parent changes me on the inside and I love those changes.


So, I say that I wonder if my time would have been better spent elsewhere, but really, my heart balks at such a question immediately! These have been the best years of my life—the hardest, yes—frustrating, yes—painful even, yes—but, oh, so rewarding. For me, there was no possible better way for me to have spent my time and I will continue to spend as much time as I can . . . on parenting.